Misogyny and Toxic Masculinity

Misogyny is a hot topic at the moment, after the hit Netflix series Adolescence hit our screens this March. Misogyny refers specifically to the hatred of women but is also seen as a form of sexism that involves hatred, contempt, or prejudice towards women and girls. It is a form of sexism that can keep women at a lower social status than men. Misogyny is something that has been practiced for thousands of years and is still very apparent in modern day.

I am not writing this to put men down in any way, I am just sharing the effects of misogyny from my experience as a trauma healer and spiritual mentor. The effects of misogyny create a deep prejudice in women also, where men are labelled with the 'toxic masculinity' buzzword, incorrectly labelled 'sleaze' when showing interest in a woman, and made to feel like they are not good enough and need to 'step up!'. Society puts a lot of pressure on men to step up into this warrior, protector role so that women can feel safe. I have seen healed men defending their masculinity, only to be attacked by a group of unhealed hateful women. But what has caused this big divide between the masculine and feminine where women feel like they are 'too much' and men feel like they are 'not enough'?

Misogyny can vary from subtle actions such as dismissing what a woman is saying or making her feel stupid, to severe abuse, rape, predatory behaviour and overly dominant control. Here are some misogynist behaviours:

• Talking down, dismissing, belittling and deliberately making women or girls feel stupid or less important (no matter how subtle).

• Hatred or fear around feminine behaviours in men, such as homophobia or discouraging vulnerability or emotional behaviours in men.

• Overly sexualising women or girls, cat calling, harassment, commenting on their appearance in a derogative way or treating women as objects for sexual gratification.

• Taking advantage using manipulation, pretending to be disinterested, grooming or hitting on her when she is weak as a way of feeling more superior.

• Discriminating by not offering women or girls the same opportunities or jobs, or assuming she is less able due to her gender despite her skills or qualifications.

• Dominating a woman or girl through fear i.e. bullying, stalking, emotional or physical abuse, rape, holding them hostage, making them feel like there is no hope or that no one will believe or help them.

This hatred of women is not a choice, it's a deep trauma reaction that has often been passed down the ancestral line. It is a trauma that both men and women hold, and from my perspective there is no guilty side, both women and men need to hold responsibility for this trauma. As women, we need to see our worth and start attracting more love, support, respect, and no longer allow others to mistreat us in this way.

Any type of hateful behaviour comes from fear around love, or not feeling worthy of love. Even if a child was loved growing up, they can still confuse certain behaviours as a lack of love or worthiness of love i.e. a mother being distracted or more loving towards the younger sibling. I'm going to dig deeper and share with you some of the causes of toxic masculinity. If a man feels unable to step into his masculine power and provide, he may project this insecurity on women as a way to shift the blame. It's worth understanding that not all the experiences listed below will lead to misogynous behaviour, everyone's experiences are completely different and we all learn to deal with situations differently depending on individual perspective. Please also keep an open mind around gender as this is not always gender specific.

• Genetic memory passed down your ancestral line, especially if you had ancestors who were in the war or experienced poverty or hardship.

• Learnt behaviour from a father, carer or male role model growing up, includes discriminative or abusive behaviour.

• Not having a strong male role model growing up, or seeing your father, older brother or male carer abused or ridiculed.

• Not feeling loved or respected from your mother or female members of your family.

• Not enough support from your mother or female carer including her ability to keep you safe or protect you from harm or abuse.

• Seeing women as weak or useless, a single mother not being able to provide or witnessing her being abused, controlled or dominated.

• Controlling behaviour from your mother or a female role model growing up, includes physical, sexual or emotional abuse, grooming or manipulation.

• Not feeling attractive, popular or worthy of female attention in adolescence, includes bullying or shaming around your masculinity or appearance.
  

Now that we see the cause and effect of misogynous behaviour maybe we can be more open minded and work together to change this behaviour in our reality. To understand that we are all victims of a cruel fate, and that all we really want is to feel loved and supported. Even the most hateful men and women just want to feel safe in the world. In my opinion we all need to let go of blame, hate and separation and unite in divine love. Divine love is the highest form of love that we experience when we let go of our fear towards others and feel worthy of genuine love and respect. It happens when we let go of all the fear and insecurities that are feeding this behaviour. Join my Trigger Response Healing Course where I can work with you to let go of any of these negative patterns. I can help you feel in control again and feel safe within yourself and with others. Every single one of us, no matter what we have done or experienced in the past is worthy of happiness and a deep feeling of love and connection.

love Sarah Creatrix ❤